Jokes

What do you call a guy with a small dick?

Just-in!

Six year old kid checking out his mother’s ID card. Sex: F He laughs…

Mom: What’s so funny about it?

Kid: I can’t believe you’re that terrible at sex that you failed at it.

Husband died laughing!!!

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?

Sheer Luck Holmes.

My wife is super upset at our neighbour who happens to enjoy suntanning in her backyard naked.

Personally though, I’m on the fence.

Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?

Patient: I can’t say I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s one of them.

Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

Secretary: “Doctor, the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”

Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”

To the guy who stole my antidepressants.

I hope you’re happy now.

What do you give to a sick lemon?

Lemon aid!