Jokes

When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof....

I was shocked.

Took my pet sheep for a walk and turned around at the end of the road.
A policeman saw me and gave me a ticket for doing a ewe turn.

After all these years, my wife still thinks I’m sexy.

Every time I walk by she says: “What an ass!”

Some guy called me a tool.

So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Wife: I'm pregnant.

Dad: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.

Wife: No, you’re not.

A 70-year-old man asked his wife…

Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls?

Wife: No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars they can’t drive.

Wife: Look at that drunk guy.

Husband: Who is he?

Wife: 10 years back he proposed to me and I rejected him.

Husband: Oh my God! He’s still celebrating!