Jokes

I saw a movie about how ships are put together.

It was riveting.

Some people eat snails.

They must not like fast food.

Did you hear about the man who tried to catch fog?
He mist

I'll get my coat

“Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink.

As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humour the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

Two lawyers walk into a pub. They order a couple of drinks and take their sandwiches out of their briefcases and them they begin to eat them.

Seeing this, the angry publican exclaims, “Excuse me, but you can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The two lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders, then exchange sandwiches.

A man goes into a bar with his small pet newt called Tiny.

“A pint for me and a half for Tiny, please,” he says to the landlord.

The landlord asks, “Why do you name him Tiny?”

The man replies, “Because he’s my newt.”

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, “£17, please.”

The polar bear pays and takes a seat.

Bemused, the barman approaches and says, “This is exciting, we don’t get many polar bears in here!” To which the polar bear replies, “I’m not surprised with beer at £17 a pint.”

I was pulled over by the police whilst driving, but was dying for a piss, so I did it in a coke can. The police asked what was in the can.....
I am now being done for possession of canapiss!

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club.

Thank you all for coming.

I just had sex in an elevator.

It was great on so many levels.