Jokes

Four friends married girls from different parts of the country.

The first man married a Devon girl . He told her it was her job to do the dishes and clean the house. It took a couple of days but by the third day he came home to see the house clean and the dishes washed and put away.

The second guy married a girl from Somerset. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man married a Cornwall girl. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

The first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough so he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he urinates.

The fourth man married a girl from Scotland....His funeral is on Friday.

Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?

They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?

Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

As I was rushed into A&E, the paramedic shouted; "BP is 148!"
I thought; " not really the time to be talking about petrol prices."

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All it was doing was collecting dust.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.