What Do I Tell The Forum If...?

Dealing with a personal crisis is a potential nightmare for forum users. We all hope it won’t happen to us, but isn’t it best to be prepared? In order to ready myself for the worst, I thought up three crisis situations, and considered what I might say to the forum if any of them transpired. Each of the three examples is divided into a situation, and a response. I’ve made the response to each example multiple-choice. See which (if any) option you might take in each crisis situation. Maybe, with a view to helping the poor wretch who does end up facing a crisis of this magnitude (and I don’t rule out myself by any means), you may like to add some situation/responses of your own. With enough assistance, the thread could eventually perhaps serve as some sort of survival manual for members down on their (or my) luck. Anyway, here’s what, aside from naughty cheeky onscreen girls, keeps me awake at night…

Situation (1)... A babe you’ve described as the hottest, dirtiest minx on TV has revealed on the ITV News that she’s really a man, working undercover for Ofcom.

Response...
a) I knew all the time. I was just playing along to see how far he’d go.
b) Surely you could sense the subtle undercurrent of sarcasm in my posts?
c) Anyone know if she’s still doing the live XXXXXplicit webshow tonight?


Situation (2)... You’ve phoned the QVC TV studio and complained about the size of the OSGs on a Fashion Over 50 show, live on air, and word has hit the forum.

Response...
a) I’d never actually watch stuff like that, obviously, but I flicked onto it by mistake and was concerned for people older and more vulnerable than myself.
b) All I saw was a pair of feet. By the time I realised what I was watching I’d already said my piece.
c) I’m sensing this might be a long shot, but has anyone got caps of that show?


Situation (3)... You sent some Y-fronts to a babe show for a joke and they ended up at Scotland Yard. During the annual police piss-up, the CID registered on this forum as MetPol999 and replied to each of your posts with a Rapidshare link to footage of your pants being examined, in a lab, by a woman in an oxygen mask. Image Chunk has been virtually spammed off the web with analytical charts about your pants, and there’s now a 250-post thread just for the chart hotlinks alone. Several forum members have changed their names to UnderpantSquad1, UnderpantSquad2, etc, and begun replying to your posts with copycat Rapidshare links to mock-up pants examination vids. In the most recent mock vid the woman approaches your pants and passes out – even though she’s basically dressed to land on the moon.

Response...
a) I’ll be taking this up with DHL, because in no way have they delivered the correct pants!
b) No, honest, I wanted this to happen. What’s the point in making a joke if no one gets to hear about it?
c) Hi MetPol999. Has the bird in the gas mask done any lad mags?

If, of my example answers, your preferred options were c), c) and c), then congratulations! You are a babe fan of the highest standing and you fully understand what this forum is all about. You will never have anything to fear and your future happiness here is assured. For the rest of us, well, it's a nailbiting time...

Like many men, I hanker after an older woman. The maturity, the bedroom knowledge, not listening to boy bands or texting incessantly, the slight smell of wee, lavender and cat food. Theres a certain alure to Anne Robinson, Anne Widdicombe and Selina Scott. And who doesnt secretly watch Im A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here to fantasise over Britt Ekland while listening to those dulcert Cheyl Cole type accents.

So yes, I watch one of the more specialised babe channels for the discerning viewer. And I phone in. Over the past year I have built up quite a relationship with one of the models is particular. Lets call her Daisy. I phone a lot and shes always keen to exchange pictures.

Recently I have had to cut down a bit because I have started dating a nice girl my own age. Nothing wrong with having a fantasy and living in the real world I say. Anyway last week I finally got to meet her parents. I walk through the door, and there she is, Daisy. Neither of us said anything, but a current of recognition ran through the room.

Should I:
a) Dump my girlfriend, change my name and leave town?
b) Confess everything and signup for sex aversion theraphy?
c) Try for a 3sum?

(01-12-2010 01:44 )eccles Wrote:  ....
Should I:
a) Dump my girlfriend, change my name and leave town?
b) Confess everything and signup for sex aversion theraphy?
c) Try for a 3sum?

c).

Situation...

Posting entirely in bold capitals, you have described a piece of camera work as: “DEEPLY NAUSEATING” and “SHIT BEYOND THE REALM OF ALL KNOWN HUMAN STUPIDITY”. You’ve said that a robot with a short circuit could have done better with the camera held between its arse-cheeks, then added the word “PRICK”, along with 297 exclamation marks. It should have been 300 but you lost count. Your favourite ever babe has replied to your post saying that in actual fact she was operating the camera at that particular time, and she was taught to do so by your second, third and fourth favourite babes.

Response...

a) Hello my darling beautiful stunning babe. I could obviously tell it was you on the camera. No one else could ever inject the same level of supreme humour into the filming of an individual floor tile. Your intermittent darting motions were perfectly timed, and it was fascinating to see so many features of the studio which are not ordinarily deemed fit to receive airtime. I particularly enjoyed your refereshingly extensive coverage of the plug sockets and a bin full of fanmail. The subtle, magical wobbling effect you used throughout the sequence gave the curtains an attractive shimmer, which I feel, had we been able to see the actual bed, would have set it into the single most erotic context in the history of cinema. Your work was in fact so spectacularly impressive that my wife became rampantly jealous, stole my password, and made that sickeningly insulting post in my name. I am now divorcing her.

b) As everyone on this forum knows, this babe has been my ultimate favourite from day one. Clearly her camerawork was superb, and the more intelligent members will have realised that my post was merely the first step in a new roleplay I am initiating with her.

c) Hi luv. Have your tits got bigger since last month?

Bloody Hell, just watching a programme on TV about Anne Widdicombe. When she was at university she was an absolute babe IMO. Should be a warning to us all

(27-11-2011 10:27 )SOCATOA Wrote:  Bloody Hell, just watching a programme on TV about Anne Widdicombe. When she was at university she was an absolute babe IMO. Should be a warning to us all

Indeed it is a warning - "Should have gone to Specsavers"!!!!

(27-11-2011 13:21 )mr williams Wrote:  

(27-11-2011 10:27 )SOCATOA Wrote:  Bloody Hell, just watching a programme on TV about Anne Widdicombe. When she was at university she was an absolute babe IMO. Should be a warning to us all

Indeed it is a warning - "Should have gone to Specsavers"!!!!

No kidding she was very good looking babe. Never thought i would be saying that. Check it out yourself!!! Never had a drink last night, Honest