funny comments/ incidents/putdowns etc

a body builder found out his wife was having an affair with his best friend'

body builder's quote "what the hell are you doing with my wife you bastard!!"

to which the friend replies "if you did'nt spend all your time pumping yourself up down the gym, i would'nt be pumping up your wife!"

true story.
A friend of mine got himself a new fridge and freezer but did not know what to do with his old one. He called up the council asking their advice. They told him to leave it in his drive and they will pick it up. He did so for two weeks yet nothing happened. He called up the council they told him there was a back log but someone should pick them up in the next two weeks.

He put his fridge and freezer out for the council to pick up over the next two weeks and yet still no one from the council came . So he put up a for sale notice up on both the fridge and freezer £10 each £15 for the pair. The next day he went to work when he came back he found someone had nicked them.

A Quote by Sid Vicious,asked if he made music for the man in the street?
Sid said," I have met the man in the street.Hes a c##t."

In a previous customer service job many, many years ago, an irate Managing Director whose airline ticket I would not change without a fee screamed down the phone at me.
MD - "Do you know who I am?"
Me - "Why, have you forgotten?"
I had waited years for some twat to say that to me

Another favourite of mine - When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

Last but not least, is a typically nasty Glaswegian insult that conjours up images you just don't want. Should someone be annoying you though not quite requiring a slap, run your fingers under your nose, sniff, extend them towards the person in question and say "Smell yer Maw!" Maw being the popular Glaswegian slang for Mother.

City of Culture my arse!

Thank you very much for my nomination in
Best Cap or Cap Set Of The Year 2013
for Dannii Harwood Posts 781 & 782

watching time team the other week i was shocked to hear Tony Robinson ask a few of the other people working on the dig"can i come in your trench"