Jokes

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.

Never again.

What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

"Oops!"

Five guys walk into a bar.

You think one of them would've seen it.

I'm not a big fan of stairs.

They're always up to something.

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

What should you do if you come across an elephant?

Apologize and wipe it off.

What does a bungee jump and a one night stand have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.