Jokes

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for £1,000?"

She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes."

Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.

Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "£10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found £110 under the pillow.

He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was £10, not £110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

There was an old couple laying in bed.

The man turns and tells the woman,

"If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once.''

''If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times."

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An Irrelephant.

I'll get my coat

Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?

He was stuck in a vicious cycle.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality.

What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.