Jokes

I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a shit in days.

What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

About three inches.

What's a mixed feeling?

When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?

I said "yeah, the drain is clogged again. "

The word of the day is Legs.

Now go spread the word.

A dick has a sad life.

His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

You can kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence.

As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

What do you call dangerous precipitation?

A rain of terror.