Jokes

What do George Zimmerman, OJ Simpson and Masturbation have in common?

Getting off once isn't enough

What do the Mafia and a vagina have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

Because all those men already have boyfriends

What’s the difference between God and Donald Trump

God doesn’t think he’s Donald Trump

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

The mistress complained to her lover, " You promised you'd take me to Florida!" He answered, "I said nothing of the sort. I merely said that I was going to tamper with you."

I met a sexy woman by the lake the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet. As we laid there, making love, I thought to myself, "These Tasers are well worth the money."

It was the first time that they had made love. They were fondling each other intimately.
She had his donger in her hand... "What do you call it? she asked. "Some blokes call theirs Dick or Peter, John Thomas or Willie. What do you call yours?"
I don't have to call mine anything," he replied. "It usually 'cums' without being called."

I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal. Dyslexic bitch. It turns out that she loves Alan, my best friend.

Police came to my door earlier and said 'I'm afraid it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus'. I said 'I agree she's no model but she has a great personality'. and the kids love her.....