Jokes

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea.

I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

Jack was nimble, but Jack was quick. So Jill preferred the candlestick!

I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.

She said she didn't have time.

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.

If a fire-fighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?