Jokes

A Man shouts to his wife, "Come here and look at my clock."
She walks in to find him naked with a hard on. She says, "That's not a clock."
He replies, "It will be when you put two hands and a face on it."

A man on a construction site thirty floors up had to go to the bathroom.

He approached his foreman and told him that he was going down to use the restroom.



The foreman told him he was crazy; by the time he got down and back up, he'd lose a half hour.

The foreman pushed a plank out over the edge of the building.He stood on one end and told the guy to go out on the other end and pee. He said, "Damn, Chuck, we're thirty floors up! Piss'll turn to vapor before it hits the ground!"

What could he do? It was his foreman, after all.



So the guy gingerly heads out on the plank.

Suddenly the foreman's cell phone rang. Not even thinking, he jumped off the board to get it, sending the peeing man to his death!

At the inquest, an electrician who was working on the twenty-seventh floor was asked what he'd witnessed regarding the accident.

"I'm not really sure. I think it had something to do with sex."

The coroner said, "Sex? Why do you think that?

The electrician replied, "I saw the man falling with his dick in his hand, screaming, "Where'd that cocksucker go?"

“Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, geometry” says the teacher.


Little Johnny replies: “A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said: ”Gee, I’m a tree.”

Two artists had an art contest.

It ended in a draw.

Wife: ”It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, honey. How do you think we should celebrate?”


Husband: ”With a minute of silence.”

Why do the French like to eat snails so much?

Because they can’t stand fast food

If we shouldn’t eat late at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months.”

Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?”

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, “Get yourself a boyfriend.”

Helvetica and times new Roman walk into a bar.

Get out shouts the barman, we don't serve your type in here.

A bear walks into a bar and says can I have a whiskey and .......... coke please.

Why the big pause asks the barman.

I don't know, I was born with them replies the bear.