Jokes

What do you call an expert fisherman?

A Master Baiter

Why is being in the military like a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

3 similarities between the World Cup and having sex.

1. People take their shirts off and hug each other quite a lot.

2. Brazilians always look good.

3. You often see a lot of dribbling in the box.

Got an email today from someone trying to sell me Mount Everest for £1 million.

I told him it was a bit steep.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken in the morning.

Unless you are in prison.

If a women sleeps with 10 men she is definitely easy.

If a man does the same he is definitely gay.

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamt I was skiing!"

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.

One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?

Liquor in the front and poker in the back!