Jokes

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law.

My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?'

I said ‘No, six should be enough.'

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!"

I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Our w‌‌hole f‌‌amily i‌‌s r‌‌eally w‌‌orried a‌‌bout m‌‌y g‌‌randfather's V‌‌iagra a‌‌ddiction.

Grandma i‌‌s t‌‌aking i‌‌t p‌‌articularly h‌‌ard.

My wife asked me "Are you even listening?!"

What a strange way to start a conversation.

A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.

As they are undressing for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.

"Here, try these on," he says.

"What? Why?" she says.

"Just put them on," he insists.

"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."

"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."

"Got it," she says, slipping off her panties and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."

He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.

"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your panties!"

"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."

Did you hear about that cheese factory exploding in France?

There was nothing left but de brie

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.