Jokes

I ordered an extension course, “How to Deal With Life’s Disappointments”.

Yesterday, I got the first lesson by post.

It was an empty envelope.

My date last night was really awesome.

We had a definite spark and pretty soon she was basically lying at my feet.

I love my new taser.

Premier league footballers must be the only multi millionaires who still go to work by bus.

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are.

He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”

The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

How many footballers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – they prefer a match

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store.

When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.

I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours."

He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

While in Devon I met a Dalek.

Where are you from mate ? I asked.

Exeter mate, Exeter mate, he replied.