Jokes

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Post 4,000!

My wife's just left me because I ate too much chocolate over Christmas.

I think this calls for a Celebration.

^ Congratulations Carl on your 4000th post Great posts and keep them coming

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

Blonde 1: Don't tell anyone but Bees scare me.
Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him.
"What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?"
"Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"