Jokes

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank ?

Give them a call and say you can't come.

The relationship between the physics teacher and the biology teacher didn't last.

They had no chemistry.

A farmer in Manitoba has successfully grown a field of vibrators....
Unfortunately, he now has a problem with squatters

Two Romans were having a conversation..

The one asks: "How many women do you think I have laid with?"

"Mmm..."

"No, not that many."

My wife told me, “If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new..”

Apparently, “anything” doesn’t include getting stuck in traffic.

An Irish fellow in New York turns to the gentleman next to him....

“Well hey there friend! Where do ya hail from?”

“I’m from Ireland.”

“No kidding! I’m from Ireland myself! What part of Ireland?”

“Grew up in Wexford.”

“Wexford?! No kidding! I grew up in Wexford myself!”

“Well what are the chances of that?! Say, what secondary school did you go to?”

“I went to St Peters Secondary”

“ St Peters Secondary?! I went to St Peters Secondary! I’ll be darned! What year did you graduate?”

“1979”

“1979??!! That’s the year I graduated! What are the chances of that?!!”

Well as these 2 guys are just flabbergasted at the chances of this meeting, another guy at the end of the bar is watching curiously. He calls over to the bartender & asks “hey what on earth is going on over there?”

To which the bartender replies, “ah nothing. Just the O’Malley twins drunk again.”

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said,

"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."

The second Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The Mountie continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her."

Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"

The Mountie answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."