Jokes

My wife left me for being unnecessarily mysterious..

or did she?

The umpire during the mixed double stopped the match due to there being 4 balls on one side of the court.

However once Andy Murray and Serena Williams adjusted their underwear, normal play resumed.

A cockroach can survive a nuclear holocaust, but if you swat it with a newspaper it would die instantly..

This shows how toxic the media is.

I'm on death row and just been asked what I want for my last meal.

I've requested an all-you-can-eat buffet with an everlasting gobstopper.

My wife accused me of cheating..

I told her she was starting to sound like my mistress.

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why are you doing that?

Dad: So you don't get bored there.