Jokes

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

A small part of me says yes.

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

"It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.

“Just call me Hoff,” he replied.

“Sure,” said the bartender. “No hassle.”

Two windmills are in a field.

One windmill says to the other, "What type of music do you like?"

The other windmill replies, "Well I'm a big metal fan."

An Irishman and his son went to the zoo..

A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age”

The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps it’s foot 6 times.

“Wow” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6, you have a go dad!”

The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun...

A moment later the elephant farts and stomps twice...

“Bajaysus that’s right” said the father, “I am farty two!”

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party..

So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

How do you tell between a boy ant and a girl ant?

Drop it in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"