Jokes

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing trousers.

Did you hear the rumour about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

My wife asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking.

Apparently Slimming World was not the right answer.

I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive.

My girlfriend lives forty miles away.

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife.

She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was?

I’m very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagne.

Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow