Jokes

I went to the zoo the other day.

There was only a dog in it - it was a shihtzu.

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.

She grabs the gun and holds it to her head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up ... you're next!"

I went to the doctor the other day and said: "Have you got anything for wind?"

So he gave me a kite.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.

I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."

What was the main problem with the origami porn channel?

It was paper view only.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club.

Thank you all for coming.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

They are both meat substitutes.

While having my winter flu jab, I asked the nurse what was the most common symptom of the flu as I wanted to make sure I hadn't got it.

Have you suffered a loss of taste recently ? She asked.

No, I've been dressing like this for years, I replied.

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?"

"They're both Paris sites.