Jokes

Nursery rhymes for modern times....

Jack and Jill went up the hill to buy some chips and sweeties... Now Jack can't get his heart rate down, and Jill's got diabetes....

Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, he kissed them too, coz he was gay....

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a big fall. It was poorly constructed, and never been checked, so he made twenty grand through claims direct....

What happens if you don't pay your exorcism bill ?

You get repossessed.

What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?

Blood vessels

Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?

It didn’t have a haunting license.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?

Get a broom!

What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?

Wrap music.

What’s four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?

An empty toilet paper roll

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Why do we carve pumpkins at Halloween?

Because they have less blood and aren’t as messy as animals.