Jokes

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure.

Good players are hard to find.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my karate lessons came to some use.

I bought a diamond ring on St. Patricks day but found out it was a fake.

They gave me a sham rock.

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.

I was like well damn

I recently took up fencing.

The neighbors said they will call the police if I don't put it back.

I made a device that travels to the past to make sure food is properly seasoned.

I call it my Thyme Machine.

My dad was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birth

So I have an uncle, once removed.

The walk from my house to the bar is 5 minutes. From the bar to my house is 35 minutes.

The difference is staggering.

What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?

Both make you stand around for over an hour and wait for a two-minute ride