Jokes

Why did the gym close down?

It just didn’t work out!

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost my case.

I’ve trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine.

He’s a Bordeaux collie.

The doctor looked at my test results and said, “You’ve got a very rare disease.”

I said, “How rare?”

He said, “You pick the name.”

Having sex in an elevator is wrong.

On so many levels.

Want to hear a joke about my penis?

Nevermind. It’s too long.

I was sitting in a pizza restaurant when a couple started arguing.

I don't normally take sides but they were so distracted that I took his coleslaw and her fries.

Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”,

I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”

Grandpa goes out fishing with little Johnny. On the lake, he pulls a beer from the backpack and starts drinking.

Little Johnny: Can I have a sip grandpa?

Grandpa: can your dick touch your butthole?

Little Johnny: Unfortunately, not yet

On the second day of fishing. Grandpa pulls out a cigarette and the conversation continues like this:

Little Johnny: Can I have a puff, grandpa?

Grandpa: can your dick touch your asshole?

Little Johnny: Not yet, sir.

A few minutes later. Little Johnny unwraps a pack of candy and grandpa asks for one.

Little Johnny: can your dick touch your asshole? Grandpa answers proudly; ‘Yes, it can’.

Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself.

What would you call a hooker with her hand up her skirt?

Self-employed