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Jokes

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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12901
RE: Jokes
What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
12-02-2023 15:33
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12902
RE: Jokes
A worker walks into his boss’s office and says “I’ve got three companies after me right now, so if you want me to stay here, I’ll need a 5% raise.”

The boss agrees and the man gets up to leave. As he’s walking out the door, his boss asks “What are the three companies after you?” The man replies “The electric company, the water company, and the gas company.”

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
12-02-2023 15:34
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Skyline Offline
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Post: #12903
RE: Jokes
Big GrinBig Grin
[Image: Fo6xkq-EXw-AAQCYd.jpg]
14-02-2023 14:34
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12904
RE: Jokes
Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?

"Yes, it's February 14.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

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Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
14-02-2023 19:43
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12905
RE: Jokes
Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine's Day?

He thought it was the purrfect present.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
14-02-2023 19:45
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12906
RE: Jokes
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home the tables were turned

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
14-02-2023 19:46
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12907
RE: Jokes
What did one flame say to another on Valentine's Day?

We're a perfect match.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
14-02-2023 19:48
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Snooks Away
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Post: #12908
RE: Jokes
Weird dream last night. I dreamt I saw Henry VIII on the street asking passers by for change.

Didn't think beggars could be Tudors!

(This post was last modified: 16-02-2023 23:45 by Snooks.)
16-02-2023 14:46
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Skyline Offline
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Post: #12909
RE: Jokes
How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Two calves, an ass, a beaver, a shitload of hares, 1 camel toe, and a fish nobody can find! Big GrinBig Grin
16-02-2023 16:02
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12910
RE: Jokes
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”

The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth.

What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
16-02-2023 17:16
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