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Jokes

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Snooks Away
Olympic Champion Keely
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Post: #12971
RE: Jokes
I bumped into the man who sold me my miniature globe.
It's a small world!

07-04-2023 18:03
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12972
RE: Jokes
Have you heard the joke about yoga.

Nevermind its a bit of a stretch.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
07-04-2023 18:11
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12973
RE: Jokes
Why should you never play poker at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs

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Ars longa, vita brevis

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Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
07-04-2023 18:13
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12974
RE: Jokes
Some guy called me a tool.

So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

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Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
07-04-2023 18:14
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12975
RE: Jokes
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!"

So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
07-04-2023 18:16
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Snooks Away
Olympic Champion Keely
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Post: #12976
RE: Jokes
I found stir fry on my bed this morning.
I must have been sleep wokking again.

I'll get my coat Rolleyes.

(This post was last modified: 09-04-2023 08:18 by Snooks.)
09-04-2023 08:17
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12977
RE: Jokes
“Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink.

As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humour the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
09-04-2023 14:40
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12978
RE: Jokes
Two lawyers walk into a pub. They order a couple of drinks and take their sandwiches out of their briefcases and them they begin to eat them.

Seeing this, the angry publican exclaims, “Excuse me, but you can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The two lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders, then exchange sandwiches

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
09-04-2023 14:41
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12979
RE: Jokes
A man goes into a bar with his small pet newt called Tiny.

“A pint for me and a half for Tiny, please,” he says to the landlord.

The landlord asks, “Why do you name him Tiny?”

The man replies, “Because he’s my newt.”

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
09-04-2023 14:43
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #12980
RE: Jokes
I used to work in a pub next to a hospital and this guy walked in one day with his hospital gown on and holding a drip on a stand that was still connected to his veins.

I asked him how I could help and bizarrely he said, “Can I have 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 4 jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, and 6 shots of tequila.

It’s a free country so I start to pour the drinks and put them on the bar one at a time. As I finished pouring all of the drinks he downed them in order and finished on the shots of tequila which he dispatched one at a time in a quick pace.

He then looked at me really sad and said, “I shouldn’t have drunk all that with what I’ve got.” I said, “Why what have you got?” He said,

“About £3.50.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
09-04-2023 14:45
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