Jokes

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to the doctor where he is told the illness is quite serious but can be cured by a small course of 2 suppositories inserted deep up his back passage.
The doctor then tells the man to bend over whilst he shoves the first one all the way up. The Doc then tells the man to repeat in 6 hours time.
At home 6 hours later, he can't do it himself so asks his wife to help. After telling her what to do, she nods, and puts one hand on his shoulder and shoves really hard. The man screams in disgust.
"What's the matter," asks the wife, "Did I hurt you ?"
"No," replies the man, "but I've just realised that when the doctor did that, he had both hands on my shoulders."

tsurugi is down the pub with his mates and after a few pints he starts bragging about his fighting skills as a ninja,he says"yeah,with my bare foot i can beat any man that tries to fight me.and he does a few high kicks to prove his point.and his mates are impressed,the next night he,s in the same pub but he has a black eye and a few broken teeth."what happened to you?" his mates ask."i was in the chippy last night after the pub" tsurugi says,"got into a fight with a guy". his mates reply"thought you was a ninja?" tsu replies" i am" his mates ask"what happened then?"tsu said"the bastard jumped me before i could get my sock off"

hope you dont mind this tsurugi

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.
When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.
However, a little voice in his head said "Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you're the first..."
This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said,
"... but they probably weren't veterinarians"

A new study shows that women with big breasts are smarter than women with smaller breasts.

Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn’t really listening.

EMA - Providing college kids with beer and scratchcards since '04

Lady Gaga is number one in the charts with the song Bad Romance,
I would hazard a guess it turned bad when she whipped her cock out for the first time.

woman says to his husband"my boobs are to small,i want a boob job"hubby says"no way,i cant afford that,why dont you rub loo roll over your breasts?"wife says"do you really think that,ll work?" hubby laughs,well its working on your arse.

I have a lot in common with Susan Boyle.

We both look ridiculous dressed as women.

Heard at a gambler's funeral: Minister says "Johnny is not dead he is merely sleeping"

From the back of the church someone says "I've got £100 says he's dead"