Jokes

In this hot weather, I find the best way to keep cool is to strip off and stand in front of an open refrigerator…

Now I'm banned from Asda, Sainsbury's and Morrisons!

What do you call a couple of chimpanzees sharing an Amazon account?

PRIME-mates.

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k?

HDMI.

Billy's wife was furious at him for kicking dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it's just water under the fridge

Sex has gone downhill with the wife, so I bought her a dildo.

"It looks like a carrot!" she said.

Which is ironic, as her fanny looks like a donkey yawning!

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and decides to get an ice cream while the car is getting repaired.

Because he has to use his flippers to hold the spoon, he is having a hard time eating and ends up covered with melted ice cream.

When returning to the shop, the mechanic looks at him and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin replies, “No, it is just ice cream!”

What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

My new alarm clock shouts insults instead of buzzing or playing music.

I'm in for a rude awakening.

Have you heard the joke about yoga.

Nevermind its a bit of a stretch.

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom.