Jokes

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.

He says he can stop anytime.

Who designed King Arthur’s round table?

Sir Cumference of course!

Man - It's the big interview today, which of these ties should I wear?

Wife - I like both...

Later:

Wife - so, how did it go?

Man - well wearing two ties was a disaster...

What's the difference between a market trader and a dog with no back legs?
One bawls out his wares and the other....

Conjunctivitis.org, now that’s a site for sore eyes

My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type.

He kept insisting we "be positive," but it’s just so hard without him.

It has been suggested that you can actually train a hippo to use a toilet, but I think that’s just a hippo potty myth.

Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

Chefs have to be very precise when measuring out butter.

There's no margarine for error.