Jokes

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

Iron Man is a superhero.

Iron Woman is a command.

Always remember a friend is someone that will come round and help you move house, but a REAL friend is someone that will come round and help you move a body.......

"I developed a mental block about going down on my girlfriend, but after talking to a therapist I think I've got it licked now."

What do you call a rooster staring at a piece of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords.

I grabbed a pen and paper and said, “Thank God for that, what are they".

I got a new pen that can write under water.

It can write other words too.

Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor for a headache?

The doctor examined his ear and found money.

The doctor kept pulling and pulling it out until he had £1,999.

Then the doctor said, "No wonder you're not feeling two grand!"

Found an old jukebox in prison.
It was full of criminal records.

What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.