Jokes

(Part 2 is here...)

“The Great Best-Friend Trip: Chaos Unleashed”

After surviving their families’ travel disasters, Jules and Tasha swore they'd plan the perfect getaway. No goats. No haunted lighthouses. No swamp ponchos.
They chose a neutral destination: a quiet coastal town with a charming Airbnb and zero paranormal activity. Or so they thought.
Day 1: Arrival
The Airbnb host greeted them wearing a full pirate costume.
Host: “Welcome to me humble abode! Ye be the chosen guests of the annual Seagull Festival!”
Tasha: “...Seagull what now?”
Jules: “I swear if a bird steals my sandwich, I’m declaring war.”
Day 2: The Festival Begins
Turns out, the Seagull Festival was real. And aggressive. The town had trained seagulls to deliver postcards. One dive-bombed Jules with a note that read: “Greetings, landlubber!”
Tasha: “This is worse than emotional support Trevor. These birds have unionized.”
Jules: “One just winked at me. I think I’m being recruited.”
Day 3: The Quest for Normalcy
They tried to escape the madness with a hike. The trail was “mildly challenging” according to the brochure. It turned out to be a vertical climb with motivational signs like “You’re not crying, you’re hydrating!”
Tasha: “My legs are filing for divorce.”
Jules: “I just saw a goat. I think it’s the same one from your retreat.”
Day 4: The Airbnb Strikes Back
The shower only worked if you sang sea shanties. The kettle hissed in Morse code. The fridge had a note inside: “I contain secrets.”
Tasha: “This house is sentient.”
Jules: “It’s emotionally manipulative. I just apologized to the toaster.”
Day 5: Escape Plan
They packed up early, only to find the town’s exit blocked by a parade of seagulls wearing tiny hats.
Tasha: “We’re trapped in a bird-based cult.”
Jules: “This is how documentaries start.”
They finally bribed their way out with leftover granola bars and a heartfelt apology to the pirate host.

Back at the café, weeks later:
Tasha: “So... worst trip ever?”
Jules: “Nah. Best one. Because this time, we were the chaos.”
Tasha: “Next year: Antarctica. No birds. No goats. Just ice and regret.”

To the man that stole my highlighter, I will find you.

You can mark my words.

Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people.

We haven’t met yet.

Did you hear that Fedex and UPS were merging?

They're going to be called FedUps.

My girlfriend says that's the last time I go with her to her ante - natal classes
At the end when they asked for any questions I simply asked: -
"What time do the pubs open?"

What is an electrician’s favorite type of news?

Current events.

Every morning, I tell my family that I’m going jogging and then I don’t go.

It’s a running joke.

My wife keeps stealing the remote control, I'm fed up of her pushing my buttons.

What do you call a rap battle between lizards?

A reptile diss function.

A Japanese student: "Master Aykodo, why do Europeans think we look all the same?"

The master replied: "I'm not master Aykodo."