Jokes

Don't you hate it when you wake up from a drunken night out with 'I love cock' written on your fore-head?

Especially when you've been drinking at home.

Alone.

dave and his mate are about to play snooker,as they,re chalking up,his mate says!wanna break?" dave replies"what already?, we havnt started yet"

i was doing some decorating so i got out my stepladder.i dont get on with my real ladder.

i wanted to join the debating club but got talked out of it.

My wife has just given birth for the first time.

I don't know who I feel more sorry for, my son for being ginger or my wife for having to bring him up on her own.

My wife has a rain fetish.

It makes her wet.

did you hear about the spaceman who trod on chewing gum?
he got stuck in orbit

tiger woods is making great progress in his sex rehab program,docs have him down to nine holes a day

whats the definition of optimism?
an english batsman applying sun block before stepping out to the crease.

police arrested two kids.one was drinking battery acid,the other eating fireworks.they charged one but let the other off.

a flasher was thinking of retiring,but has decided to stick it out for another year

I lost my watch earlier.
I would have looked for it but I didn't have the time.