Jokes

Bloke walks into a butcher's. Butcher says, "Bet you a tenner that you
can't jump up and touch the meat that's hung up on the ceiling with
your hand."

Bloke says, "No thanks."

Butcher says, "OK, bet you twenty quid that you can't jump up and hit
the meat that's hung up on the ceiling."

Bloke says, "No thanks mate."

Butcher says, "OK, OK, I'll give you a hundred quid if you can do it."

Bloke says, "No thanks mate, the steaks are too high."

What do you call 2000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start...

did you hear about the jigsaw manufacturer who was dumped by his girlfriend?
he went to pieces.

my mates addicted to drinking brake fluid,but its not a problem.he can stop any time a wants.

Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He gives the innkeeper three nails and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Q. How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A. (I) Three. One to change the light bulb, one to buy the "1999 light bulb changing" commemorative t-shirt and video, and one to drive the other two back to Torquay.

A. (II) Who cares, so long as it comes out in 4 different versions ( 50 quid each), and changes twice every season?

Q.What's the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?

A. The Man U bus has more pricks!

Joe always books two seats when he goes to watch a Millwall game. That's one to sit in and one to throw when the fighting starts.

teacher says"glenn,how do you spell crocodile?"glen spells out,k-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l. his teacher says"no,thats not right"glen replies"maybe it is wrong,but you asked me how i spelt it.

a ship load of yoyos sank in the channel today,the report says it went down 52 times.