Jokes

what game do the chelsea team play at parties? pass the perroncel

Why do housewives love Arsenal?

Because they stay on top for ages and come second

a polish woman stows away on a ship so she can start a new life in america. 3 weeks later she is found and brought before the captain,he asks "what are you doing on my boat?" she replies "one of your sailors is stowing me away to america he brings me 3 meals a day and in return i let him fuck me every night." captain replies "oh he's fucking you all right, this is the isle of wight ferry!"

every night,i lie in my bed and all i see are those sexy eyes,kissable lips,smooth skin and hot body.....i should really move that mirror off my ceiling.

i just asked my girlfriend the big question!luckily,she's never slept with john terry.

the other day i had sex with a girl whilst wearing a clown outfit.she called me a funny f**ker.

a child attending her first wedding leans across to her mother and whispers"why's the bride dressed in white".mum say's"because white is the colour of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life"the little girl thinks for a bit,then says"so why's the groom dressed in black then?"

carlsberg dont make toyotas,but if it did,they,d probably work.

i was in asda today with two full trollies when a little old lady stood behind me at the checkout.she only had a pint of milk,so i said"is that all you've got love?"she replied"yes" so i did the decent thing and told her"if i were you id f**k off to another till,im gonna be ages"

Just saw this today in the Daily Express.
It was a joke from Bob Monkhouse that was quoted in an article about sleep.

I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father.
Not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.