Jokes

Ive just moved into a new flat over a police station,it would appear that i am above the law.

why are huricanes named after women ? Because when they come there wet and wild but when they leave they take ur home and car with them !

Superman's flying around the skies of Metropolis, chilling out on a hot summer's day, when he sees Wonder Woman, completely stark naked, legs spread, sunning herself on the top of the Justice League building.

He thinks to himself, wow, she looks so hot, I've got to have that Wonder-pussy.... but how can I without her noticing? Then he remembers that he's Superman, faster than a speeding bullet... he can be in and out in a flash before she's even noticed...

So he flies down, and quick as a flash, he's in and out then flies off again. Wonder Woman sits up and says "What the hell was that?" And the Invisible Man says "I don't know........ but my arse is fucking killing me...!"

a husband is dismayed when his wife pulls up on their driveway with the family car covered in mud,branches,leaves,grass and blood.he asks her"what the hell has happened to the car?"the wife replies"oh,i ran piers morgan over"still puzzled the husband says"well that explains the blood,but was about the mud,grass,leaves and branches on the car?"she says"wel,i had to chase him through some fields and hedges first"

You've seen and heard of all the different Barbie Dolls....Princess Barbie, Horseriding Barbie, Baby Barbie, etc.......Now there's a new one.....


Divorced Barbie.



She comes with all of Ken's stuff....

Two blokes are walking towards each other from opposite ends of the road,both dragging their right foot on the ground.As they get close to each other,the first bloke points to his foot saying"Afghanistan 2007".The second fella points to his foot and says"dog shit,20 yards back"

paddy n mick at morgue 2 indentify shamaus's body that's been badly burnt.Paddy goes 1st, turns the body over, looks at his bum & says , " Thats not shamus ! ". Mick goes next, turns the body over , looks at the bum & says the same. Doc asks " How do u no its not him ? mick says," Cos when we used 2 go out, folks would say " here comes shamus with the 2 arsholes!"

I hate strip clubs,I cant touch her,she cant touch me,I can't touch myself,and i have to give her all my cash.it just reminds me of the wife.

Yo Mamma is so nasty,
she's got more clap than an auditorium.

Me, when I've had a dink... drik...drink, hic....slurp. Posting away like there's no tomorrow. Full of inebriated wisdom, at the time, the best kind. Knowing that tomorrow I'll have to see what shite I've posted.