tim-the-bear
Banned
Posts: 260
Joined: Feb 2011
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RE: Jokes
Man driving home from the pub one night gets stopped by the police
"can you blow into this sir" says the cop
"whats that" says the man"
"its a bag that tells you you've been drinking" says cop
man says "no need I have one of them at home myself"
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18-02-2011 02:31 |
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tim-the-bear
Banned
Posts: 260
Joined: Feb 2011
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RE: Jokes
How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb ?
One
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23-02-2011 19:25 |
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tim-the-bear
Banned
Posts: 260
Joined: Feb 2011
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RE: Jokes
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar the barman says "is this some sort of joke" ?
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23-02-2011 19:27 |
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Paulie69
Anastasia Fan
Posts: 1,807
Joined: Mar 2010
Reputation: 78
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RE: Jokes
How do you confuse an Irishman?
Put 3 shovels in front of him and tell him to take his pick.
Got stopped by a copper the other day. The conversation went like this :
Copper : "Where did you come from?"
Me : "Vauxhall"
Copper : "Where are you going?"
Me : "Southall"
Copper : "What have you got in your bag?"
Me : "Nothing"
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24-02-2011 22:22 |
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tim-the-bear
Banned
Posts: 260
Joined: Feb 2011
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RE: Jokes
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
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25-02-2011 22:35 |
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