tim-the-bear
Banned
Posts: 260
Joined: Feb 2011
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RE: Jokes
A man has just married his new Thai bride the woman is young and rather innocent,they are upstairs changing before the reception and the husband is having a quick shave when he cuts himself "oh fuck" he says his bride asks "what does fuck mean ?" he thinks for a minute and not wanting to offend says "its just another word for cut" later on at the reception the bride stands up and says "ladies and gentlemen I am now going to fuck the cake" after a few seconds of stunned silence the vicar says "well in that case does anyone mind if I stick my cock in the trifle"
(This post was last modified: 18-03-2011 18:44 by tim-the-bear.)
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18-03-2011 18:41 |
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skyliner22
Posting Machine
Posts: 1,166
Joined: Aug 2010
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RE: Jokes
The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the
instructor: "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a
straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of
the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.
Address it and say, "I'm a Sperm." She will answer, I'm the Egg." From that
moment on you will work together to create the embryo. "Do you understand?"
The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, Then, good luck!"
Two days later, the sperm was taking a nap when he heard the siren. He woke
up immediately and ran to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swam behind him.
He knew he had to arrive first. When he was near the entrance to the cavern,
he looked back and saw he was far ahead. Then he was able to swim at a
slower pace until he reached the red, sticky ball.
When, at last, he reached the red, sticky ball, he brightened up, smiled and
said "Hi, I'm a sperm." The red sticky ball smiled and said, "Hi. I'm a
tonsil."
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18-03-2011 19:46 |
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skyliner22
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Joined: Aug 2010
Reputation: 49
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RE: Jokes
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy, "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight."
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18-03-2011 19:47 |
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skyliner22
Posting Machine
Posts: 1,166
Joined: Aug 2010
Reputation: 49
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RE: Jokes
An Israeli doctor said to a medical conference, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it into another and have him looking for work in six weeks!"
The German doctor stood up and said, "Well medicine in my county is so advanced, we can take a lung out of one person and put it into another and have him looking for work in 4 weeks"
The Russian doctor got up and said "My country is even more advanced, we can remove half a heart from one person, put it into another and have them both looking for work in just 2 weeks!"
Not to be outdone, the American doctor stood up and addressed the conference, "Well", he said, "My country is so far advanced in medicine, we can take an Asshole out of Chicago , put him in the White House, and have half the country looking for work in 24 hours!"
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18-03-2011 19:48 |
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