Jokes

My wife done really well tonight she come home with 15 mars bars,3 chunky kit kats and 3 curly Wurly's

I can see why she got upset though, she's the fucking Avon lady

I once took part in a masturbation contest.

I won hands down.

I've just signed up to be a sperm doner

Soon I will be making money hand over fist

I joined a dating agency

they gave me a questionnaire to fill in

One question asked Who would you most like to go out with anyone living or dead ?

I put down Anyone living

On Halloween last year I shouted through to mrs w:

"Honey there's a witch at the door what shall I do?"

She replied, "Just give her some sweets and tell her to sod off!"

The mother-in-law hasn't spoken to me since!

i went to see my nan as a small boy, and i said "nan, stop dressing up as a small boy, for crying out loud!"

it's dangerous to drink and drive, well, it is for me... i don't even have a licence!

triathlon? if i knew what an "athlon" was, i would!

i'm one bad motherfucker! no matter how hard i try, i can't seem to fuck my mum properly!

My wife been hinting that she wants something black & lacy for Christmas,so I've got her a pair of Football Boots.

One week into my role as office manager I was relieved of my duties...

The female staff had some slight reservations with, 'National get your tits out in the office day.'

(01-11-2011 19:27 )Boomerangutangangbang Wrote:  My wife been hinting that she wants something black & lacy for Christmas,so I've got her a pair of Football Boots.

mine wanted a real animal skin coat so i got her a donkey jacket

At an archaeological dig on the outskirts of Dublin they uncovered a skeleton believed to be that of a young man from around the Neolithic period.

The local TV news reporter asked the leader of the dig if they had any idea how he might have died.

"Well," he said, "judging by the 3 tonnes of dirt we just lifted off him, I'd say he suffocated!"