Jokes

I got punched in the face last night by Dracula and he knocked me unconscious.

I was out for the count.

My mate said to me he wanted to buy a Spanish football club.

I told him to get Real.

IN THE WAITING ROOM

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

What's red & white & gets fucked by swans ? Arsenal.

A man rushes into his house and yells at his wife 'Brenda, pack ya things. I've just won the lottery,'
Brenda replies, 'shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
'I don't care,' says the man, 'just as long as you're out of the house by noon,'

wife says to husband.you make love like you decorate.the husband says,what very slow and professional? no,she says i have to finish the job myself

Nurse - Doctor, doctor! There's a man here who says he's turning invisible!
Doctor - Tell him I can't see him.

man rolls over in bed and grins at his wife.not tonight shr says i have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and i want to make sure its clean. husband says ,have you got an appointment with the dentist

How many immature teenagers does it take to get this joke?

69    

Why do they only release one Call of Duty every year?

It shouldn't take that long to copy and paste...