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Jokes

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Stillroom Rock Offline
Knowledge speaks wisdom listens
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Post: #4431
RE: Jokes
Adele has been banned from appearing on Breakfast TV after She Set Fire To Lorraine

In a time of universal deceit telling the truth is a revoultionary act - George Orwell
24-03-2012 22:57
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Boomerangutangangbang Offline
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Post: #4432
RE: Jokes
I was telling my wife that I'd just read that scientists have discovered that blades of grass can actually feel pain.She said "nice try dickhead,the lawnmower is in the shed"

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26-03-2012 17:00
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mr williams Offline
Still Missing Roxy :(
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Post: #4433
RE: Jokes
Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital.

"It's great, he can almost string a sentence together"

.............said Fabrice.

follow me on twitter @mrwilliamsforum

26-03-2012 18:33
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i'llbeback123 Offline
Hasta la vista, baby!
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Post: #4434
RE: Jokes
Magic Mirror

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

MK11 aka Mortal Kombat 11 - Spawn (DLC) vs Shao Kahn intro:
Spawn: Imagine Outworld free of slaves.
Shao Kahn: Over my dead body.
Spawn: Today's the day, skull-fucker.
27-03-2012 19:57
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dazzad99 Offline
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Post: #4435
RE: Jokes
Walking past his teenage son's bedroom, a father can't help but overhear part of a conversation. "It gets longer when it's pulled," begins the boy, much to his father's shock. "It fits between boobs, it inserts neatly into a hole," the young chap continues. By now, the dad is very concerned. "Plus it works best when it's jerked!" concludes the boy. At this point, the dad bursts in. "Son, I think we need to talk about your penis," he shouts. "Okay dad," begins the son, "but first let me finish my technology project on seatbelts!"
27-03-2012 20:47
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Gold Plated Pension Offline
paid to sip tea
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Post: #4436
RE: Jokes
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or 'foreplay' as she likes to call it.

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http://www.bis.gov.uk/brdo/publications/...sultations

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27-03-2012 21:23
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Boomerangutangangbang Offline
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Post: #4437
RE: Jokes
I've got tissues for the Women's Beach Volleyball at the Olympics.Sorry I meant tickets...I've got tickets for the Women's Beach Volleyball.

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28-03-2012 18:03
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Gold Plated Pension Offline
paid to sip tea
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Post: #4438
RE: Jokes
The wife gave me £50 and told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. You should've seen her face when i came home pissed.

Generally Following

http://www.openrightsgroup.org/

http://www.indexoncensorship.org/

http://www.backlash-uk.org.uk/wp/

http://www.melonfarmers.co.uk/faqmf.htm

http://www.bis.gov.uk/brdo/publications/...sultations

Expect a Civil Service
Liberty, once lost, is lost forever.
28-03-2012 21:46
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SOCATOA Offline
"mini see through thong"
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Post: #4439
RE: Jokes
A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they had become loose and floppy. Out of embarresment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret, and of course, the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anaesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediatly called in the surgeon. "I thought i specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation?" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him, "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself" "The second rose is from my nurse, who assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago". "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "That's from the man in the burns unit, he wanted to thank you for his new ears"
(This post was last modified: 29-03-2012 08:03 by SOCATOA.)
29-03-2012 08:02
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i'llbeback123 Offline
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Post: #4440
RE: Jokes
Bar Joke

Presents for the Wife

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks.

After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."

The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

MK11 aka Mortal Kombat 11 - Spawn (DLC) vs Shao Kahn intro:
Spawn: Imagine Outworld free of slaves.
Shao Kahn: Over my dead body.
Spawn: Today's the day, skull-fucker.
29-03-2012 15:00
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