i'llbeback123
Hasta la vista, baby!
Posts: 4,652
Joined: Sep 2011
Reputation: 131
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RE: Jokes
Hell of a Game
A man goes golfing with his Friend, John. He arrives home several hours late.
His wife asks,'What took you so long?'
He replies,'Oh, honey, it was a horrible afternoon! On the third hole, John had a heart attack and died on the spot!'
She says,'Oh, darling! It must have been awful for you!'
The husband replies, 'It was hell! Fifteen holes of 'hit the ball, drag John, hit the ball, drag John...'
MK11 aka Mortal Kombat 11 - Spawn (DLC) vs Shao Kahn intro:
Spawn: Imagine Outworld free of slaves.
Shao Kahn: Over my dead body.
Spawn: Today's the day, skull-fucker.
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20-06-2012 19:53 |
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i'llbeback123
Hasta la vista, baby!
Posts: 4,652
Joined: Sep 2011
Reputation: 131
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RE: Jokes
The Helpful Wife
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
MK11 aka Mortal Kombat 11 - Spawn (DLC) vs Shao Kahn intro:
Spawn: Imagine Outworld free of slaves.
Shao Kahn: Over my dead body.
Spawn: Today's the day, skull-fucker.
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21-06-2012 19:09 |
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The Truth
▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █
Posts: 7,229
Joined: Mar 2012
Reputation: 109
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RE: Jokes
All the organs of the body were having a meeting,trying to decide who was in charge.
The brain said:" I should be in charge,because I run all the body's systems,so without me nothing would happen."
"i should be in charge" said the heart,"because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body,so without me you'd waste away."
"I should be in charge" the stomach said"because I process food and give you all energy."
"I should be in charge" the rectum said,"because I'm responsible for all the waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him,so in a huff he shut down tight.
Within a few days,the brain had a terrible headache,the stomach was bloated and the blood was toxic.
Eventually the organs gave in,they all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge.....Just a Arsehole!
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22-06-2012 01:51 |
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Cheesy Grin
Losing the will
Posts: 5,984
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
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RE: Jokes
The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him "Do you love your wife?" so he replies "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.", interviewer continues, "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."
The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."
The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!", to which the guy replies, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"
The last days are here...
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22-06-2012 11:42 |
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