Jokes

a man books into a hotel for a couple of days,and he asks the receptionist"is the porn channel in my room disabled?"
"no" she replies,"its regular porn you sick b,stard"

i just realised that may cause offence,sorry i,ll delete it if it does

what is horticulture?
when you take a prostitute to the theatre

on a dirty weekend away,daffy duck asks the hotel receptionist for a condom.the lady asks"shall i put it on your bill"
daffy replies"dont be tho thucking thtupid,id probably thuffocate"

did you hear about the cannibal who turned up late for lunch?
he got the cold shoulder

yOIU KMOWIT WAS A HGOOD WAnk when yuou can#'t type pro[perly aafterwaqrds.,

My girlfriend told me last night that she hates me when I'm pissed.

I said, "Good, because I fucking hate you when I'm not."

An englishman, an Italian and a Frenchmen are sitting in a pub and the Frenchmen and the Italian are boasting about their sexual prowess.
'last night I had sex with my wife 10 times this morning she as I left for work she called me the Italian stallion and made me lasagna'
'that is nothing' said the Frenchman 'last night I had sex with my wife 15 times, this morning she told me I was the penis De Milo and made me crepes' they both look at the Englishmen and ask 'how many times did you have sex with your wife last night?'
'just once' replies the Englishmen. They both laugh
'typical passionless Englishmen' they both agreed 'what did your wife say to you this morning?'
'don't stop'

Want to stop looking like a smug twat, and actually get some friends?

Sorry, there isn't an app for that.

(IPhone joke)

having just arrived at the airport,the pope is running late for his meeting and orders his chauffeur to drive faster.frustrated by his lack of progress,the pope then switches places with the driver and takes the wheel,in a while their car is pulled over for speeding and the copper radios in to find out what he should do with such an important person,he,s asked"how important is he?""i dont know" says the cop,"but he,s got the pope as his driver"