KalEl
Posting Machine
Posts: 1,390
Joined: Jul 2012
Reputation: 20
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RE: Jokes
A girl calls her mum up, "Mum I'm getting a divorce"
"Why's that" asks her concerned mum
"Well all he wants is anal sex, I used to have a lovely tight little bum hole the size of a 5p piece, now it's more the size of a 50p piece"
Her mother pauses then says "Listen sweetie, you've a lovely home, a brand new porsche, platinum credit cards, a second home in spain, the kids are in private school and you have half a dozen holidays a year, and you want to give that up for the sake of 45p???"
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04-10-2012 18:48 |
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i'llbeback123
Hasta la vista, baby!
Posts: 4,652
Joined: Sep 2011
Reputation: 131
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RE: Jokes
A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes
home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in
and shut the door." The guy says "What's up?"
The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman
came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed
her right on the lips."
The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."
The parrot says "Then he fondled her breasts." The guy says "He
did??!"
The parrot says "Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking
on her breasts."
The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
MK11 aka Mortal Kombat 11 - Spawn (DLC) vs Shao Kahn intro:
Spawn: Imagine Outworld free of slaves.
Shao Kahn: Over my dead body.
Spawn: Today's the day, skull-fucker.
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04-10-2012 19:49 |
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orchid500
Cara Brett = beautiful
Posts: 162
Joined: Dec 2009
Reputation: 15
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RE: Jokes
Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County , a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby "No, don't be in a hurry
to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . .. . . . . . .
"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
If dreams were real - I'd be knackered!!!
Top babes - Cara Brett, Honey Scott, Dani O'neil, Atlanta Monroe, Asia, Sydney James, Ashleigh, Ree Petra, Sophia Lares, Bailey Cream, Dani Thompson, Jessica Lloyd
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04-10-2012 22:15 |
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