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Jokes

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The Truth Offline
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Post: #5131
RE: Jokes
A couple were watching television when the husband picked up the remote and started flicking channels.

"Porn.Golf,Porn,Golf,
Golf,Porn,Golf,Porn."

His wife says,"For fucks sakes,leave it on porn,you know how to play golf."
13-10-2012 04:07
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4evadionne Offline
You can't beat a laugh!
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Post: #5132
RE: Jokes
A newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched out on the sofa, wearing a sexy negligee.

"Guess what i've got planned for dinner?" she purred. "And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today."
13-10-2012 13:50
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KalEl Offline
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Post: #5133
RE: Jokes
Alan Pardew has reportedly told his Newcastle United players to forget all about the club's new sponsorship deal with Wonga.com.

He's told them to just get on the pitch and give it 4121%.
__________

Lance Armstrong has flown into New York to deny doping claims.

It would have been more convincing if he'd used a plane.
13-10-2012 14:49
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The Truth Offline
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Post: #5134
RE: Jokes
"Which one of my friends would you like to fuck?" my girlfriend asked.

"What a stupid question" I replied,"Why would you imply that I'd want to fuck one of your friends?"

She said,"Your right! I'm sorry,of course you don't want to fuck one of my friends."

"Damn right," I replied "I want to fuck all of them."
(This post was last modified: 14-10-2012 00:01 by The Truth.)
13-10-2012 17:46
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The Truth Offline
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Post: #5135
RE: Jokes
I've just seen an American rock band sleeping.....
....Must have been Zzzzzz Top

Some charity worker approached me earlier.
He said,"What's your view on homelessness?"
I said,"I've got a good view actually,I can see a guy sleeping rough from my penthouse window."
14-10-2012 00:53
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Boomerangutangangbang Offline
Owned by Kelly Bell
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Post: #5136
RE: Jokes
"You've got a hair on your clit" I said to my wife."It's a Rabbit" she said "now fuck off & leave me to it"

FORUM AWARDS POSTER OF THE YEAR 2022 & 2023

Muchi-wa shifuku dearu

...And Justice For All - Metallica
14-10-2012 10:26
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4evadionne Offline
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Post: #5137
RE: Jokes
How do you know if you've passed an elephant?
You cant put the toilet seat down.

Why are tornado's and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you lose your house.
14-10-2012 13:00
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i'llbeback123 Offline
Hasta la vista, baby!
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Post: #5138
RE: Jokes
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.

Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.

The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.

You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.

I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new man asked, "What happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

MK11 aka Mortal Kombat 11 - Spawn (DLC) vs Shao Kahn intro:
Spawn: Imagine Outworld free of slaves.
Shao Kahn: Over my dead body.
Spawn: Today's the day, skull-fucker.
14-10-2012 17:34
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The Truth Offline
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Post: #5139
RE: Jokes
My mother & father are petty criminals,they break into houses and steal expensive items.
Afterwards I go in and nick a few things myself

I suppose you could say,I take after my parents.
14-10-2012 17:51
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4evadionne Offline
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Post: #5140
RE: Jokes
A man calls his boss one morning and tells him that he's staying at home because he's not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" the boss asks

"I have a bad case of Anal Glaucoma" the man says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is Anal Glaucoma"

"I can't see my arse coming into work today."
14-10-2012 19:57
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