Jokes

A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last person alive."

Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"

Wiped the smug look off her face.

marriage is made in heaven
but then again so is thunder and lightning

there has been a big bust up in the biscuit tin. A bandit called Rocky who was crackers hit a penguin over the head with a club and tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue riband, kidnapped a trophy and made his breakaway in a taxi. The police say rocky was last seen just after eight by a viscount from maryland, hobnobbing a gingernut. Unfortunatly they have not got a crumb of evidence!

New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15

Tub of Vaseline: £3

XL Box of Tissues: £2

The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.

I don't understand why women want to be equal when they could be better.

That shows a lack of ambition to me.

Which is why men are better.

Lol :|

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.

I went to the ATM this morning and it said "insufficient funds".
I'm wondering, is it them or me?

I was horrified to discover my new sex doll had a flat chest and a 9 inch cock. When I complained in the shop they said it was inside out.