Jokes

A boy takes his girlfriend back to his house to meet his parents, but warns her that they are both deaf and dumb.

They walk in the living room and witness his mother with a beer bottle up her pussy, and his father with both testicles hanging out and a match propping one eye open.

"Oh my god! screamed the girlfriend. "What's all this about?"

"It's ok" the boy replied. "It's just sign language. Mum's saying, "Get the beers in ya cunt" and Dad is saying, "Bollocks, I'm watching the match."

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her three young children.

After hours of trailing around toy shops and hearing her kids asking for every item on the shelves, she was thoroughly fed up.

Weighed down with bags, she squeezed herself and her kids into a crowded shopping centre elevator and sighed aloud: "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be arrested and strung up!"

A voice from the back of the elevator replied quietly: "Don't worry madam, I believe they crucified him."

One night, a man said to his wife:

"Honey, lets try something new in the bedroom. I'll get some chocolate spread, some whipped cream, and a few strawberries. Then I'll paint my dick with the chocolate spread and invite my sisters round for a "special treat."

"Then one by one, I'll pop the strawberries up my arse, squirt cream down my crack, and while Karen deep-throats me for the last of the chocolate, Katie can lick my asshole and swallow strawberries as I crap them out. Then I'll finish off by banging them a couple of times before squirting my creamy load over their faces. Shall we give it a go?"

The wife look stunned. "Over my dead body!" she yelled.

"Bloody hell!" he replied. "You're into some weird stuff!"

With Catherine Zeta-Jones now a firmly established Hollywood star, the Welsh Film industry is too receive additional funding to step up production. They are going to remake many well-known films, but this time with a Welsh Flavour. The Following are planned for release next year.

9 and a half Leeks.
Trefforest Gump.
Cwmando.
The Lost Boyos.
An American Werewolf in Powys.
Huw Dares Gwyneth.
Dai Hard.
The Wizard of Oswestry.
Cool Hand Look-you.
The Eagle Has Llandudno.
The Magnificent Severn.
Haverfordwest was won.
Austin Powys.
The Magic Rhonddabout.
Independence Dai.
Welsh Connection
Welsh Connection II
The Bridge on the River Wye.
Lawrence of Llandovery.
A Beautiful Mind-you
The Welsh Patient.
The King and Mair.
Breakfast at Taffynys
Look You Back in Bangor.
Evans Can Wait.
A Fishguard Called Rhondda.
Where Eagles Aberdare.
Dial M For Merthyr.
A-Rhondda the World in 80 Days.
Look-you Who's Talking.
Swansea of Love.
Dai Another Day.
Merthyr on the Orient Express.
The Empire Strikes Bach.
Ponty Python's Life of Bryn.
Caerphillydelphia.

q. where do you find a turtle with no legs?
a. where you found it!

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Two women are knitting baby jumpers while watching TV. One says to the other "Hope mine's a boy, I've only got blue wool". Other one says "Hope mine's a mutant, I've buggered up the sleeves".

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there was a rabbit and a bear doing a poo behind a tree

the bear asks the rabbit 'does poo stick to your fur?'

the rabbit says 'umm, it doesnt actually'

so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral attended by fellow physicians, family members, friends.... A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral ....I'm a gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist fainted.

How The Seven Dwarfs Got Their Names

Miss Snow White was a randy cow, and desperate for a fuck,
So off she went into the woods, to try and get some luck.
She'd almost given up looking, when she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled upon a cottage, and went in to have a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds, and she'd just removed her pants,
When seven dwarfs came marching in, with a merry song and dance.
Snow White stood there speechless, and thought she was in heaven,
Originally after one good shag, but now she could have seven.

Straightaway she took command, "My pussy needs a lick,
When one dwarf moved forward, she said "you'd better drop your pick"
So down he went on to all fours, and said "I ain't licking that"
"Not there, that is my arsehole, you DOPEY little brat.

The next dwarf started blushing, "Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said, "Don't be BASHFUL, unless you're a kind of queer"
So reluctantly he whipped it out, to prove he was no fool
And Snow White gave a big "Hi-Ho". as she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling, Cos he hadn't had a sniff
And due to his impatience, he couldn't raise a stiff.
"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard" so he did as he was told,
And as soon as he was hard enough, he shot his creamy load.

The next dwarf got a blow job, and she took him deep quite easy.
But the relief made his nose a twitch, so she just called him SNEEZY.
With 3 dwarfs left, she turned and said, "You're next, I want your knob
But no sooner had he entered her, he was sleeping on the job,

"Wake up you SLEEPY bastard", She wanted more from him,
And he woke with such excitement, that he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his dick up her, and shagged her pussy raw,
A dazed Snow White then whimpered, "That should be against the law"

He made poor Snow White tremble, he was so big and thick,
"No wonder you're so HAPPY, with that fucking great big dick,
With one dwarf still remaining, but feeling rather sore,
She said, "you'll have to use your tongue, my twat can't take no more"

So he put his tongue to work, where others had placed their cocks,
And Cos he made Snow White feel better, she named the last one DOC
So theirs the truth about the dwarfs, and how they got their names,
By satisfying Miss Snow White, and joining her in games.

The Duchess of Cambridge topless :

https://www.tvgirlsgallery.co.uk/share-7...F8344.html

The Duchess of Cambridge full frontal :

https://www.tvgirlsgallery.co.uk/share-F...F8344.html