Jokes

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year the woman speaks and man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Reporter: "Sir, you've been happily married for 45 years. What's your secret?"
Husband: "You'll have to speak up. I'm as deaf as a post, and have been for 45 years."

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the Ark? If so where did he keep them?

Wife: "Why did you buy me such a small diamond?
Husband: "I didn't want the glare to hurt your eyes."

Transsexuals just aren't what they used to be.

I read a book about the digestive system. The ending was crap.

Computer Boy :

A SECOND LANGUAGE

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language

HILARIOUS SIGNS

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot.
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I tried to look up impotence on the Internet but nothing came up.
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You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A roman guy entered the bar shows two fingers and said

give me 5 beers...

Crap joke day

Where's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

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Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund