Jokes

Q: What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?
A: Anything you want -- he can't hear you.

Q: What's 72?

A: 69 with three people watching.

I was watching a porno and this girl managed to gag on the bloke's cock for up to five minutes at a time.
Amazed by such a performance, I tried this with my girlfriend and ended up killing her....


Turns out that I just have a slow internet connection.

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

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I bought a pair of shoes off a drug dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day!

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Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that.

10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10.You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead have a breaststroke race across the English Channel. The brunette comes in first, the redhead comes in second, and the blonde never finishes.

In the lifeboat, the blonde says, "I don't want to be a tattletale, but the other two used their arms."