Jokes

Whilst having sex I suddenly stopped & didn't move.

Wife said 'What are you doing?"

I said I've seen this on PornHub it's called buffering

I was in bed last night pulling my boxers off when my girlfriend walked in and said please don't do that to the dogs!

Wife "Look at that drunk!" Husband "Who is he?" Wife "10 years ago he proposed & I rejected him" Husband "wow, he must still be celebrating"

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.

My girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh...

If I put my ear to it I can smell the sea.

A lot of women turn into good drivers…

So if you’re a good driver, watch out for women who are turning.

Good news for insomniacs!

Only 10 sleeps until Christmas!

Last night I ate a piece of string.

I shit you knot.

How do you weigh a chilli pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!

I had to divorce my wife because she loved sex in the morning.

Right after I left for work