Jokes

My dentist informed me today that I need a crown.

Finally, someone who understands me.

My new girlfriend is so needy...

She keeps making demands like, "Untie me! Tell me who you are!"

Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his arse?

Because change comes from within.

What's the difference between Quasimodo and Jose Mourinho?

Quasimodo had the hump from birth

If laziness was an Olympic sport. I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

(05-10-2018 00:02 )Cheesy Grin Wrote:  If laziness was an Olympic sport. I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

Thee's not lazy in the joke production dept Cheesy Grin, don't know where you get 'em from.
Hast tho a job in the Christmas Cracker factory.

“Give it to me now!” She yelled “I’m so wet!” She can scream all she wants, she’s not getting my fucking umbrella.

The wife was in the kitchen the other morning cooking me bacon & eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor & not breathing. I had no idea what to do.

Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an all-day breakfast for just £3.99.

My boss just appointed me as his sexual consultant.

His exact words were, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”

My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son.

On top of it, I’m also banned from the maternity ward.